AT HOME, UNDER THE WATER

I've attempted drowning before, I've placed my head under water for long periods - Sometimes I forget myself in the water and I'm brought back by choking or someone interrupting. One time in Auchi, at my parents recent split, leaving just me and my father at home, I was basically alone, the water took me longer than usual this time and there was nothing or no one to bring me back to reality. I remember a slight struggle then acceptance then silence and peace, before let's say God called me back. With these experiences, with images, with drawings I've been able to picture what drowning would look like or feel like. NOTHINGNESS ! Void, empty and silent ! that's how it feels like, you are not thinking of anything just enjoying this stillness and your soul is probably travelling. Your life before the water is forgotten, there's always a slight struggle at the beginning, struggle for life because man does not belong in Water. Knowing my mission, after struggle I become still and accept the condition then I'll be able to drown in a almost less painful manner. You're wet but you can't feel it, the only sign of wetness you'll get is cold. You're scared but it doesn't matter because of the stillness there is and it might be day time but it's going to be completely dark but this is not because your eyes are closed - it's just dark. After all that feeling of nothingness, stillness, calmness, I would love to land at some Garden of Eden looking place with not too much of beings and if they are a ton of them, can I have my own quarters please ? I'm not about to have to deal with one of the things I just ran away from over again. Inside all that darkness and coldness with no noise, it feels like you're traveling. All that has beginning has an end except the creator, journey must end so yes, the Garden of Eden thing is valid. 'If I wake up for hell, e too go bad oh' except it's the hell from the Netflix series "Sandman", it doesn't look so bad or there's this witch I follow on tiktok, her description of hell isn't all that bad either it was giving "Hotel Transylvania". That would work if food 'dey' and no stress. "Paris" by Q-Mark and Tpzee Ft Afrikan Papi At This Moment Looks Like A Good Welcome Song To Whatever Phase I Want To Start After My 'Lil' Drowning Transition. This is not about needing baptism, it's still about me being suicidal and wanting to die by drowning.

MY FAIRYTALE SUICIDE PLOT

Must have been well fed and had my favorite things to drink, would proceed to pop pills and drink lean. I will be sure to use the loo after this because 'I nor know' how the other side 'go be'. After the loo, brownies and milk wouldn't hurt to refill my stomach meanwhile I've had all my favorite songs playing, I will use airpods for good base and to block off other sounds. I like the beach, it should all be at a beach or some resort surrounded by water. After my brownie meal, would take a couple of drags from different strains of weed. When all of these my exercises are over, would sit and watch people, I'm scared of course because I don't know what happens after death. I would love to jump from a high place into water and just drown but people would stop me so I'm not really getting that 100% perfect death. Well, I will watch people and allow my heart beat fast, I'll go on to play Burna Boy's "Alone" and would put it on repeat, dying listening to this piece is perfect, euphoric and amazing, an honor too. Leave my seat or wherever I'm perched to walk around the beach, by myself, having weird last minute conversations with strangers and hoping one is a 'mammy water' or an entity that wants to take me home or to a better place or heaven. Yes ! I have my vices but Hell fire 'no sharp at all' because 'normal normal, I no dey even like feel heat'. I honestly would not want any being to beg me to continue this foolish life, 'e no go clear at all' ! Then I will work towards the water, I will keep walking and cross where humans are supposed to end or people who can't swim. I will walk till the water carries me away and before anyone will run down, I would be long gone and probably at peace.