MY LOVELY 3:8:22’

It was a cool evening, everyone in the compound were outside. It is a big & populated compound, the boys are playing soccer, kids were crying & playing, someone had a JBL on with music playing. Groups perched around, on my end I was sitting with my friend group and one of us seemed like he was going mad, he took hard drugs and his body was reacting to it. We were in panic but still chill because we are very “chill” individuals that it’s alarming. My mind was wandering off and I was zoning out, I wanted to move but could not move. Before I knew it, [ I heard a loud bang and I was on the floor, not helpless that I Couldn’t lift myself up but I just rather had remained there. I was also wondering why and how did that happen so fast and why was people were running and shouting. Were they running to hide ? Towards me ? Were we under attack ? Next thing I knew ‘I forgot the meaning of life’, I forgot who I was, where I was and I was telling myself to snap out of it that if I forgot who I was then there was in trouble. ] Next thing that’s happening was me in my room and I burst into tears uncontrollably, when they asked why I was crying - I looked up to see so many faces....worried faces with so many things going on in my room at a time. Boyfriend apologizing to his girl for getting that our other friend high. An acquintance of mine that made me her maid in my place and calling me a bad person. Another nosy acquaintance that gossip a lot trying to come in which I sent out, people that were not close to me in my apartment caring for me. So much going on too fast, too loud I could not hear, too dark that I could just not comprehend. They asked me what was wrong, well first I’m grateful that I remember who I am again and secondly my mind went through all the things bothering me real fast. Then I rather did not say, I was trying to explain that the side of my head was hurting for some odd reason, people kept asking me if I was okay....I said I was of course but it feels like I fell. I picked up my phone and came to post some dark things, I explained how something told me to fall because I felt helpless in life and I just fell not caring what people would say as long it meant I would feel a relief. Since I was getting clarity, I realized I fell really but I don’t remember how it happened and I felt embarrassed because imagine how many people saw and what they’ll say henceforth. My partner came, we’ve been having mad issues for over a month that’s psyching me out. He cake to talk before we either end it or work it out, I kept rubbing my head and I assured him I was okay but I fell and it hurts. - “Fell, you fell ? Omo guy you collapsed and PEEOPLEEE had to carry you !” I asked him what he meant and he said I fainted and then the dots connected, most of the earlier [ occurrence ] were just in my head meanwhile I was fainting. Why I couldn’t comprehend a lot was because my head was still messed up and after a long discussion with my partner, I realized I was still DEPRESSED and my happiness was just an illusion.